You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My cat gives me a boner
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
