Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
