did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
