btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize