Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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