Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
