are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
