Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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