White coat. Heels.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
