I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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