I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
