I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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