The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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