I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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