I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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