maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
