Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
