I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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