I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
