he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
