I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
