We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
