I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
