I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize