i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
