my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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