So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
