We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
