Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just high enough for therapy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
