I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
