just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This is my gift to your gina
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
