booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
