Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
