Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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