I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
