need another drink. this is the easiest way
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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