i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
