Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
