i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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