Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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