Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
