I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
