1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
3pm strippers are depressing
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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