I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
