Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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