How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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