1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
