you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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