I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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