My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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