she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
