just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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