No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
