I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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