At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
