Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
