I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize