so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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