she looked like the bat from fern gully.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
