I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
