I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize