How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
