Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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