Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
