im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
