After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
