names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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