At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think I died a long time ago.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
honey bunches of taint.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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