I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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