well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
