Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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