you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
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The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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