16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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