I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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