i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
