Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
