dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Life is so much better after having sex.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She's the barista slut.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
