I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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