FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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